The Price of God’s Favor

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“Favor makes for a dangerous life,” Gary Wilkerson wrote in a devotional that came across my desk this morning.

He cites several biblical examples:

  • Mary found favor with God and became the mother Jesus. A sword pierced her heart.
  • Joseph found favor with God and received prophetic dreams. His angry brothers rejected him and sold him into slavery.
  • Abel found favor with God through an acceptable sacrifice. His jealous brother, Cain, took his life.
  • Abraham found favor with God to become a father of nations. God called him to leave behind his father’s house and the country that he loved.

The price of leadership is high.

May we never trade the purposes and favor of God for a life of comfort and ease.

Chronic Illness and the Holidays: Give the Gift of Self-Care

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Chronic pain and illness can make any day a challenge, but throw in holiday stress and expectations, and it can push over the edge. The idealistic holiday parties depicted on television and in books and magazines just add to the stress. Unrealistic gift-giving guides and tips on hosting the perfect holiday party or family gathering can leave you feeling depressed, lonely, and grieving your losses. The good news is proper self-care can help you manage your pain and fatigue and get the most out of this holiday season.

It might be tempting to view self-care as selfish. However, it is anything but.

In his book, Let Your Life Speak, author Parker J. Palmer offers these insightful words, “Self-care is never a selfish act — it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch.”

So for you—and for the people you love—start this holiday season by giving yourself the gift of self-care. Here are a few tips to help you get started:

Prioritize. Ask yourself and family members, “What will make the holidays meaningful this year?”
You cannot do everything this holiday season, so why not focus on what is meaningful to you and your loved ones? One woman asked her husband this question and he replied, “Stop doing so much and just sit down and have fun with me.” The gift of time is sometimes the greatest gift we can give those we love. If it is a choice between a perfectly decorated house or meaningful time spent with family members, most people prefer giving and receiving the gift of presence.

Limit holiday gift giving.
Many people I talk to find holiday gift giving excessive and stressful. To minimize stress, one woman I know decided to eliminate gift giving to adult family members entirely, focusing instead on buying one or two small presents for children or grandchildren in the family. Another person is donating money to charity in a friend or family member’s name. If you do shop, do so online. Most stores will gift wrap your gift and include a personal note from you for an additional fee, saving physical and emotional wear and tear on your body.

Communicate your needs and feelings to others.
Because many chronic illnesses are invisible, it means that others may not be aware of your physical and emotional limits. It is your responsibility to communicate your needs to others. Sometimes comparing what you’re going through to something they are familiar with can help. For example, “Do you know what you feel like when you’re coming down with the flu? The pain and fatigue of rheumatoid arthritis feel that way to me today. Could we just stay home and talk instead of going out today?”

Grieve your losses.
The holidays often bring painful memories to the surface — the loss of a loved one or pet, strained or broken family relationships, and memories of past holidays can dampen holiday cheer. If you are sad this holiday season, take time to acknowledge your feelings by sharing them with a friend or family member or by writing in a paper or electronic journal. Consider honoring the memories of those you have loved and lost by donating to a charity in their name. Don’t be afraid to cry if it makes you feel better. Tears can be healing.

Just say no.
With limited physical and emotional reserves, it is sometimes necessary to choose between holiday events and activities. As much as we would like to, we just cannot do it all. For example, I recently declined an invitation to a church Christmas dinner, which was scheduled a few days before a cross-country flight I’ll be making to visit my son and his wife. Knowing the toll traveling takes on my body, I decided to conserve my energy for the flight.

Give yourself a gift that nourishes body and soul.
Chronic illness can be difficult not only physically but emotionally as well. Consider giving yourself a gift that nourishes body and soul. My favorites include a massage or facial, a good book, or a weekend away with friends. Treat yourself this year to a gift that nourishes body and soul.

While incorporating these self-care tips into your life this holiday season will help, they won’t completely eliminate holiday stress. But they will go a long way toward helping   you make this holiday season your best one yet.

Rx for the Holidays: Cultivate Gratitude

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Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season, and with it, festive times with friends and family. However, for those living with chronic disease and illness, unrealistic expectations, difficulties with travel, and busy schedules can add up to increased pain and fatigue, which takes not only a physical toll but an emotional toll as well. Fortunately, one aspect of the Thanksgiving holiday can actually improve your physical, emotional, and mental health — an “attitude of gratitude.”

A growing body of research suggests that cultivating gratitude can lead to better overall health, less anxiety and depression, higher long-term satisfaction with life, and even boost your love life. According to Robert Emmons—editor in chief of the Journal of Positive Psychology, grateful thinking can also increase you happiness by as much as 25 percent, while keeping a gratitude journal for as little as three weeks can increase your energy and result in better sleep.

While no one is suggesting you deny or minimize the challenges you face daily living with chronic pain and disease, you can improve your health for focusing on the good things in your life rather than the bad.

Consider Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. As a child, she and her mother watched as a truck crushed her sister. Consequently, her mother, diagnosed with split personality disorder, checked herself into a psychiatric ward. As an adult, she watched her brother-in-law bury his first two sons. Voskamp transformed her pain with gratitude.

And so can you.

Improve Your Health with Thankfulness

Here are a few suggestions to help you get started:

  • Start a gratitude journal. This is probably the quickest, easiest way to increase your gratitude. What’s more, it need not take a lot of time. If you are not the journaling type, make a list instead, writing down three to five things you are grateful for each day. Keep your journal where you will see it daily — perhaps near the coffeemaker or refrigerator. The important thing is to begin to pay attention to gratitude-inspiring events, both big and small. If writing is not for you, try a visual journal. If you have smartphone, download the One Thousand Gifts app, and capture each day’s gifts using the camera on your phone.
  • Use visual reminders to celebrate life’s simple pleasures.  Recently, my husband and I traveled to Shenandoah National Park to hike some of the trails. The pain and the fatigue of my rheumatoid arthritis make hiking difficult, so we hiked only the easiest of trails. Before starting our first hike of the day, I bought a wooden walking stick in a local gift shop because balance is sometimes a problem for me when I am in pain. Our weekend was a wonderful, and I was surprised at how far I was able to hike. After we got home, I decided to display my walking stick on my office wall — a visual reminder of what I accomplished that day
  • Express gratitude and thanks for and to others. If you find it difficult to find things in your own life to be grateful for, express gratitude to others for the gift they are to you. Write a letter to a friend or relative, thanking them for the positive impact they have had on your life. Thank the barista for your morning coffee, your spouse for taking out the trash, or your children for remembering to call.
  • Try the “It’s a Wonderful Life” approach. Imagine what your life would be like without your spouse, a job, or a hobby. Picture what the lives of those you love would be like without you. Consider the impact you have on your children and grandchildren, the difference your support makes to your spouse, and the contributions you have made to your workplace or community. When you stop to think about it, the impact you have had on others is sometimes surprising.

Gratitude will not eliminate your pain or cure your disease, but it will certainly improve the quality of your life — and your health.

 

Can Art Heal? Using Art to Transcend Chronic Pain and Illness

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Can tapping into our creativity help us transcend chronic pain and illness? Can art heal not only our bodies but also our soul and spirits?

Questions like these have been part of my ongoing quest to live well with chronic pain and illness. While some answers remain elusive, others are more readily apparent.

Diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and other inflammatory diseases in 1997, I have found artistic self-expression a valuable tool for transcending the physical and emotional pain I live with daily. Over the years, creative expression has helped me overcome traumatic losses, find relief from overwhelming emotions, and experience spiritual and personal growth.

As children, you probably found enjoyment in creativity activities — drawing pictures, making sand castles, or cutting paper snowflakes. However, if you are like most adults, you may not consider yourself creative. But everyone can experience the healing power of art and creativity and use it to manage chronic pain and illness.

Transcending Illness: Pierre August Renoir

As an example of using art to transcend pain and illness consider painter Pierre August Renoir (1841-1919). Diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 1898, Renoir dealt with his illness by expressing the fullness and beauty of life through art, finding it deeply spiritual.

Even as he lost the use of his body, he found great joy in creative expression:

I believe I am nearer to God by being humble before this splendor (nature); by accepting the role I have been given to play in life; by honoring this majesty without self-interest, and above all, without asking for anything, being confident that He who has created everything has forgotten nothing[i].

 In his memoir, Renoir, My Father, his son Jean remembers his father in his later years:

His hands were terribly deformed. His rheumatism had made his joints stiff and caused the thumbs to turn inward towards the palms, and the fingers to bend toward the wrists. Visitors who were unprepared for this could not take their eyes off his deformity. Though they did not dare to mention it, their reaction would be expressed by some such phrase as, “It isn’t possible! With hands like that, how can he pain those pictures? There’s some mystery somewhere.” The “mystery” was Renoir himself[ii].

Despite his pain and deformity, Renoir did not lose his love for beauty or creative self-expression.

Giving and Receiving Joy through Art

Like Renoir, I, too, find joy and healing through creative self-expression and art.

Shortly after my RA diagnosis, I found myself with an overwhelming desire to write, a desire I remember first surfacing while reading Little Women as a child. I had spent a lifetime wondering if I had what it took to make a living as a writer. My diagnosis gave me an opportunity to find out. Against all odds, my writing found its way to print; and now, fifteen years later, I make my living as a commercial and freelance writer and certified life coach.

But, it’s about so much more than making a living. For me, writing is a way of caring for the chronically ill, people in emotional pain, and others who are face spiritual, physical, or emotional limitations. Writing is a refuge, a place where I find joy and meaning in the midst of life’s ugliness and pain, a place where I can become fully absorbed in the beauty and rhythm of words and forget life’s pain. Through my writing, I both give and receive.

Such is the beauty of art. It nourishes not only the one who receives but also the one who gives.

Making Art — Now It’s Your Turn

Artistic expression in any form — whether it’s writing in a journal, taking an art class, or visiting a museum — refreshes body, soul, and spirit. The process of making and enjoying art creates a physiological response that increases levels of serotonin, the “feel good chemical,” in our brains. It distracts us from our pain and gives us tools for expressing difficult emotions, helps us find meaning in suffering, and reignites hope for the future.

The good news is you don’t have to be a professional artist to experience the benefits and healing power of creativity. Making art is easier than you think:

  • Take a class. What interests you? Take a neighborhood or online class that stretches you creatively. Follow your passion and explore writing, drawing, or pottery, expression your thoughts and feelings through art.
  •  Make a visual journal. When thumbing through the pages of a magazine or newspaper, cut out articles, photos, or quotes that capture your attention. Paste them in your journal. Jot a quick note about why they captured your attention. Use these articles and images as a catalyst for prayer.
  • Create a legacy for your family by writing your life story. Writing your life story is a powerful healing tool and a way to share your story with the generations to come. Whether you decide to write your story in the pages of a journal or publish a book, memoir writing is easier now than ever. For tips on how to tell your story, visit the National Association of Memoir Writers online.
  • Cook a gourmet meal.  Pick up a cooking magazine at the store and try a new recipe. Create the mood you want by paying special attention to lighting, presentation, and setting while you dine.
  • Capture the beauty of nature through photography. Pick up a camera and capture nature’s beauty while taking a walk or going for a drive. Delight your senses with the sights and sounds of God’s creation.

Making art will not cure your chronic pain and illness. You will continue to feel pain, struggle with discouragement, and wish you were healthy. But creativity can enhance you overall quality of life, increase your understanding of yourself, and help you realize your potential for growth and change, bringing you great joy in the process.

 

[i] Jean Renoir, Renoir, My Father (New York; NYBR, 1962), 226.

[ii] Ibid. 25.

Harnessing the Power of Place

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Not long ago, during a time when stress and fatigue had taken their toll on my body, I booked a weekend away at a local bed and breakfast.

Nestled in the shadow of the Blue Ridge Mountains, I watched breathtaking mountain sunsets, delighted in deer frolicking in the woods, and sat for hours in a red Adirondack chair, soaking in the beauty around me.

It was healing.

But most of the time, the converse is true. I spend time in stressful places — doctor’s offices and hospitals, crowded shopping malls and airports, and places with far too many people crammed in far too little space, all of which trigger a stress response in me. And since stress can make you sick, that’s a problem.

Can our physical space help us heal or make us feel worse?

According to Esther M. Sternberg, MD, who lives with inflammatory arthritis, it can. “The idea that physical space might contribute to healing does, it turns out, have a scientific basis,” she says in her compelling book, Healing Spaces: The Science of Place and Well Being.

“The first study to tackle this question, published in Science magazine in 1984, showed that when hospital rooms have windows looking out on the natural world, patients heal more rapidly.”

Since then, multiple studies have shown that that not only views of nature accelerate healing, but other environmental factors make a difference as well — reducing noise, sunlight, spending time in social places and places for contemplation all accelerate healing, reduce pain, and improve mood.

While place cannot cure chronic pain and illness, it can make a big difference in the way you feel, improving your physical and mental health and your quality of life.

The Power of Place

Several months ago, I experienced this first hand when I attended a writer’s conference at Abiquiu, New Mexico, at the Ghost Ranch, a place made famous by artist Georgia O’Keefe who depicted the red hills surrounding the property in her paintings.

Despite a long, cross-country flight, getting very little sleep, and recovering from surgery to correct three fractured vertebrae, I experienced virtually no pain during the conference.

“Why is that?” a friend asked.

The answer lies in the power of place.

Rustic but comfortable housing, reflective of its origins as a working ranch, dirt paths, and breathtaking vistas of colorful sandstone cliffs, cottonwoods, and distant mountains all worked to heal my soul. New and existing friendships gave me a deep sense of belonging, providing a safe place where I could be “known” and celebrated.

Healing Spaces

While I cannot move to New Mexico, I can create an environment at home that contributes to my health and wellbeing — spiritually, physically, and emotionally. As an introvert, I crave silence and solitude. For me, they are a necessity, not a luxury. It’s what I need to thrive.

Color speaks to me as well. I painted my office a warm clay color — not unlike the mountains and hills surrounding the ghost ranch, and a Georgia O’Keefe print hangs over my writing desk for inspiration. The walls in my living area are a soft sage, reminding me of happy times spent with my father walking through the woods.

Recently, I’ve been intrigued by a new thought—creating a sanctuary garden in my back yard, complete with a gazebo, or at least a bench serves as a reading nook. I started this summer by planting English lavender, my favorite plant, in the front yard and the back. Right now, I’m researching plants and landscaping, determining my next steps.

Designs for Healing

If you’d like to create a healing space in your home or office, consider these simple tips to get started

Add color and texture to your home. Infuse your home with a profusion of texture and color throughout the seasons. Use your imagination and let your home reflect your unique personality. Are you bold and daring? Accent your home with colorful paintings, accessories, and flowers you can change with the seasons.

Play healing music. Some hospitals are turning to harp music to help patients heal. According to experts, music played on acoustic stringed instruments have several unique healing properties. Rita A. Schrimpf, a Certified Music Practitioner, says this on her website, “The resonance from the strings, including the range of pitch and tonal color, set up an important relationship between the sound and the recipient…Music has beneficial effects that can enhance the overall quality of patient care”.

Create a sanctuary garden. Surround yourself with plants and flowers that make you smile. Add a gazebo or bench where you can lose yourself in the beauty of God’s creation. Terry Hershey, who designs sanctuary gardens, advises, “The best garden is one where the gardener finds joy. Think of gardening as telling a story. Your story.”

Live your passion. A dear friend, who is an artist, continually loses herself in her work for hours at a time, despite living with chronic pain and illness. The world can be following apart around her, but when she is creating art, she loses all sense of time. Fully engrossed in the work of her hands, she finds deep joy and healing for her soul.

What breathes life into your soul?

Chances are it will bring healing to your body and mind as well.

Holy Listening as a Spiritual Discipline

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What if our greatest gift to others is how well we listen not the wisdom of our words?

“Christians have forgotten that the ministry of listening has been committed to us by Him who is Himself the great listener and whose work we should share.” ~Dietrich Bonheoffer, Life Together

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with my son,” my claims representative said amid the swirl of noise and activity in the body shop this morning. I was waiting for a car repair estimate after backing into a parked car last week.

“He has no interest in school,” he said. “He wants to work with his hands either fixing cars or working at a trade,” he said shaking his head.

“Is that a problem?” I  asked.

He then explained he had raised four boys as a single parent. His three older boys had set themselves apart academically by taking advanced placement (AP) classes all through high school; they were starting college in the fall. His youngest son had no interest in school.

However, I heard much more beneath the surface of his words:

It was hard raising four boys by himself, and while he worked hard to provide for his family, he felt that he had somehow failed his younger son. A blue-collar worker, he wanted better for his children. He seemed to feel a measure of shame at his blue-collar background. He was unable to hold my gaze as we spoke, which is common for those struggling with shame or low self-esteem.

“It sounds like you have worked hard to provide for your sons,” I replied. “Your older sons are gifted academically, and your youngest son seems to have a real gift working with his hands.”

“I guess that’s true,” he said.

“The greatest gift you can give your sons is to love them,” I continued. “And it helps if you can help them identify their gifts and talents. It sounds like you’ve done both,” I said.

His eyes met mine for the first time.

“Thank you.”

Listening as Healing

What happened during our conversation?

I think this man’s greatest need this morning was to be heard. His need was so great he was willing to have a personal conversation with a complete stranger.

And he’s not alone.

What most people want is for someone to truly hear and understand, for someone to validate their thoughts and feelings by taking time to listen–to really listen.

It struck me while we spoke, that the greatest need of those we spend time with–family and friends, coworkers, colleagues, and most Christians I know–is for someone to truly listen to them, to hear their heart and their pain, and to let them talk until they they have nothing else to say.

Rachel Naomi Remen, co-founder and medical director of the Commonwealth Cancer Help Program, explains:

Listening is the oldest and perhaps the most powerful tool of healing. It is often through the quality of our listening and not the wisdom of our words that we are able to effect the most profound changes in the people around us. When we listen, we offer our attention, an opportunity for wholeness. Our listening creates sanctuary for the homeless parts within the other person. That which has been denied, unloved, devalued by themselves and others. That which is hidden. In this culture, the soul and the heart too often go homeless.

How can you practice the spiritual discipline of listening deeply to others? How can you minister healing through listening? Who needs you to listen today?

Living from the Inside Out — Huh?

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“What does it mean to live from the inside out?” people ask me.

First let me tell you what it’s NOT.

It is not about trying harder, and it’s not about praying more, serving more, doing more. It is not which church you attend or whether you tithe or give to missions. It has nothing to do with “getting your act together,” or defining yourself by what you don’t do. I’m tired of Christians defining themselves by what they don’t do — I don’t smoke, drink, or watch certain types of movies —and I secretly think God is too.

Living from the Inside Out: What Is It?

Living from the inside out is about relationship. It is about falling in passionate, head-over-heels love with Jesus Christ. It’s about spiritual and personal transformation, recognizing you are powerless to change yourself, apart from God’s grace and the work of the Holy Spirit. It’s also about positioning yourself to participate in the transformation process.

It is about experiencing transformation in your whole being, including inner healing and freedom from captivity. It is about sanctification of the whole person—body, soul, and spirit. It’s about discovering the real you—your unique temperament, strengths, and gifts.

It’s about living the life you were meant to live.

Living from the Inside Out: What It Means

So what does this mean for you as the reader? What can you expect to find in the days, weeks, and months ahead?

Here, you’ll find inspiration and motivation for establishing intimacy with God and others. You will find posts and tutorials on spiritual practices, including transforming friendships and healing communities.

You’ll find information and resources to help you discover your God-design and purpose, and how to walk it out. And you’ll find tools and resources for healing, tools designed to set you free to live the life you were meant to live.

I can’t wait to get started! How about you?

Rule of Life: Part 1 of 2

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*This is a first draft. Grace please.

“Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him . . . fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out . . . God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you” (Romans 12:1-2 The Message).

I sunk into the red, overstuffed sofa, cupping a mug of freshly brewed coffee in my hands. Coffee is one of life’s greatest joys, I thought as I opened my journal. Of course, I thought the same thing every morning when I poured a cup of coffee. For more years than I cared to remember, I had found the simple morning ritual of coffee, Bible reading and journaling both comforting and powerful.

In bold letters, I wrote, “My Personal Rule of Life” across the top of the page. While I had decided on the basics years ago–to love God, to love others, and to glorify God through every aspect of my life, I found myself trying to nail down the “every aspect of my life” part, specifically, what it looked like in ordinary, day-to-day existence. I penned the short, to-the-point list below it:

  1. Define a healthy, sustainable rhythm of life that takes into account my unique design, my purpose and passions, and the things that give me joy for the glory of God.
  2. Identify and eliminate the things in my life that drain me. Surround myself with people and activities that nourish me and give me life.
  3. Nurture close, soul-healing relationships with friends who celebrate my authentic self.
  4. Retreat twice a year to a country setting for reflection, rest, and receiving from God though prayer and study.

Well that took all of 15 minutes. Now what? I thought.

Looking out the window, my eyes rested on the mountains behind the cottage I was renting, and I inhaled deeply as if trying to absorb the strength and stability I saw. I would later realize that although the rural setting of The Inn at Meander Plantation in Orange, Virginia invited rest and reflection, it would take far more than a few journal entries and mountain views to create a meaningful rule of life that worked for me.

Creating a Rule of Life Takes Time

During my time away that weekend, I failed to appreciate just how complex life could be and didn’t understand that it would take time, and many false starts, to create a rule of life that flowed from my God-given design and worked with my life stage and limitations. But the discovery process is part of the fun.

Now, five years later, I have a rule of life that suits me and takes into consideration my unique temperament, strengths, gifts, and life’s purpose. Through many fits and starts, I learned what a contemporary rule of life looks like—at least what it looks like for me.

Introduced by St. Benedict of Nursia for monks living communally, the concept of a rule of life first appeared in A.D. 540. Its purpose was to provide a balance between being and doing, a life of contemplation (prayer) and community (a life of love).  In recent years, its popularity has grown as believers are choosing to live the Christian faith counter culturally, ceasing from the continual striving of a life of nonstop noise, production, and technology.

It includes both the rhythms and relationships of life, and evolves over time, as seasons change. If lived well, it offers a wealth of freedom and peace to experience life to the full. But with a scope this broad, it’s bound to take time. I’ve learned not to rush the process and short-circuit the work of God in my life.

Finding My Personal Rule of Life

My Primary Relationships

Since my initial attempt at creating a rule of life during that weekend in Orange, Virginia, then it has taken many forms and gone through many reiterations. After about the fifth revision, I concluded that it is a living document, subject to change based on the needs and preferences of a particular season.

Like the lavender plants in my spring garden, my relationships with my husband and my son and his wife require constant tending. Neglect becomes apparent almost immediately. If I don’t want relationships to wither like the plants I’ve killed over the years, I need to tend to them regularly and with love, whether it’s convenient or not. Intimate relationships do not happen by accident. So I am choosing to be deliberate, arranging my life for life-giving relationships.

See part 2 for the completion of this post.

 

Rule of Life: Part 2

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*This is a first draft. Grace please. If you’ve not yet read part one, you can read it here.

“Your personal rule of life is a holistic description of the Spirit-empowered rhythms and relationships that create, redeem, sustain, and transform the life God invites you to humbly fulfill for Christ’s glory” ~Stephen A. Macchia, Crafting a Rule of Life

My Spiritual Gifts, Natural Talents, and Temperament

Perhaps the greatest surprise for me came through an awareness that in addition to the natural talents and spiritual gifts I had been aware of for years (writing, creativity, intuitiveness, discernment, and knowledge) I also possessed a unique temperament that was foundational in discerning my life’s mission and purpose. Unfortunately, while I had glimpses into who I actually was over the years, I was unable to reach a full awareness on my own, needing the help of a coach, who offered me an MBTI personality assessment.

Based on my assessment, I am an INFP. Both on paper and experientially, I am highly intuitive, creative, and spiritual, and tend to go through life shaping meaning out of everything. I also have a natural tendency to guard my feelings, which protects me from attack and ridicule by others unaware of my sensitivity. I only allow a few to enter my inner domain, and most of the time, it is not a conscious decision. It’s always been that way and probably always will.

While my assessment really didn’t tell me anything new, it confirmed what I already knew, making it “official” in one sense, validating my right to celebrate and embrace the woman God created me to be—even if others sometimes find it perplexing. I felt tremendous liberty.

While the freedom is glorious for me, I sometimes am somewhat of an enigma to people around me. Described as “aloof” and “guarded” since first grade, I’ve learned that others sometimes neither understand nor like this aspect of who I am. I try to be sensitive to that, but I fail far more often than I succeed. It is a fine line between walking in liberty without others misinterpreting my preference for privacy as rejection, and I repeatedly struggle to honor the way God made me and respond in love to those around me.

My Holistic and Long-Term Vision and Passion

My vision of life and spirituality is holistic. All of life is God’s domain, and while I enjoy having a church home, I equally enjoy being out in nature, enjoying the beauty of God’s creation. I choose to attend to the opportunities and people that cross my paths, finding God in the simple, ordinary tasks of daily living, finding it delightful and satisfying. Like my temperament, strengths, and talents, my love have nature goes back to my childhood.

Since childhood, my passion has always been words. Lousia May Alcott and Madeline L’Engle taught me the power of story and words. Words breathe life into me like few other things do. They seem almost sacred to me  — whether they were describing Jesus in the Bible or the beauty of a garden. I was nine years old, when I first sensed the call to write.

Over the years, my love of words has grown and blossomed, changing shape as the seasons shifted, but it has remained a constant—whether through reading or writing. What a joy it has been to write for publication and to share the thoughts and ideas that dance through my mind with others, wanting them to experience what has always been true for me— words have the power to impart life, hope, healing, comfort, understanding, and so much more.

My Life’s Purpose

Once I answered the questions about identity and giftedness, a sense of purpose naturally followed. As an INFP, I am on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter, every bit of knowledge gained gets sifted through my value system and my purpose to help people live and lead from the inside out so they can experience God’s kingdom and extend it through their lives.

My writing, coaching, speaking, and teaching are all just containers for the message written on my heart. And the message is this — your life matters no matter who you are. You will find your deepest joy and greatest satisfaction only in Jesus Christ. Whether you are a surgeon at prestigious hospital, a writer who shares her story and life’s lessons in books or magazines, or an office worker whose daily encounter with others, your life is pregnant with purpose. Give birth to the dreams and visions God has planted in your heart – for your sake and for the sake of others.

Pulling it All Together

My Rule of Life is simple and flexible, but generally contains the following:

Daily: Spend time with God and others cultivating depth and intimacy in relationships, while allowing sufficient study for reflection, writing, and reading—activities that center me and give me something to contribute to relationships. Engage in regular spiritual practices, such as slowing, journaling, silence, and solitude, and of course prayer. Get outside and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation. Continue to simplify my life, removing “things” that take time but fail to add value. I’ve found that I can live on far less that I realized, so I continue to prune my possessions and calendar.

Weekly: Commit to a local church; worship and serve, or contribute versus consume, weekly or more as my health allows. Teach classes, pray with people, make people feel loved and welcome.

Quarterly: Complete a quarterly inventory and assessment of my life, determining what is working and what isn’t. This includes assessing every area of my life—physical, spiritual, emotional, relational, educational, and personal growth and development. Prune, prune, and prune some more. Tend to necessary endings.

Annually: Retreat annually to the country for a silent retreat. Nourish body, soul, and spirit, and rest in God’s love. Read for formation, bask in silence and solitude, indulge in extended times of listening prayer, prayer of examen, and lectio divina. Receive from God.

Mary Oliver’s compelling poem, The Summer Day, never fails to move me and seems especially fitting for the topic of this essay. In it, she asks this provocative question, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Do you know?

Now What?

If you’d like help understanding your unique design, consider coaching with me or one of my colleagues. It’s amazing the difference coaching can make.

You might also consider purchasing Crafting a Rule of Life: An Invitation to a Well-Ordered Way by Stephen A. Macchia.

Coming Home: Part 2

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I’ve been taking a class on essay writing that has opened up a whole new world of possibilities, self-reflection, and a world of fun. This is part 2 of a draft, written for my first week’s assignment.

In more ways that I cared to admit, I had embraced an expression of spirituality and relationships that made me less instead of more than who God created me to be.

When had “doing” become more important than “being?” I wondered to myself. Why had I suppressed my creativity for so many years, denying myself the gift of meaningful work and creative community? When did I lose sight of who I was as an individual and as part of a community?  Why had I settled for less than God had for me?

Insight flooded my soul, and I realized that the life I had been living was not my own. Unhealthy coping mechanisms, survival tools I had developed to survive an abuse-filled childhood, had become my default mode of living. Values, expectations, and belief systems placed on me by others bound me to a life that no longer fit.

I needed to say no to people and work that diminished me. I had to care for my physical health, which had been ravaged for years by the pain and fatigue of rheumatoid arthritis. And I had to discern my physical, emotional, and spiritual limits and learn to live within them.

Body, soul, and spirit need to align toward a singleness of eye; I had to align inner and outer worlds And I required structure and intentionality to move toward the life I desired to live.

A Rule of Life

Christian tradition has a name for a structure that fits the contours of our souls—A Rule of Life. Did I need to create a Rule of Life?

A personal rule of life would invite me to both frame and form my world, to understand my primary roles and relationships. It would invite me to explore my God-given gifts, talents, and temperament, as well as my purpose and my passion.

Author Stephen A. Macchia describes a personal rule of life this way: “Your personal rule of life is a holistic description of the Spirit-empowered rhythms and relationships that create, redeem, sustain, and transform the life God invites you to humbly fulfill for God’s glory.”

As I looked around the cottage, I finally understood why it felt so much like home. Everything about it suited me—the bold yellow walls and red loveseat spoke to my love of color; the mountains and rolling hills surrounding the room reminded me of love for nature and childhood outings with my father scouting the woods of Pennsylvania for natural springs and rabbits hiding under piles of broken twigs and branches. Even the horses echoed childhood times of feeling loved and time spent with my Dad, riding through the woods on horseback in Mountaintop, Pennsylvania.

Why had I denied this part of myself for so long?

I recognized, too, why this time of retreat, this time of uninterrupted hours of silence and solitude nourished my soul. My outward expression of faith and spirituality over the past several years did not fit the inner pull of my heart.

A Holistic Spirituality

I let my mind wander back to a time I felt most spiritually at home. Although it had been more than 25 years ago, I recalled the symbol, the metaphor, and the pageantry of the liturgy, the place of the altar, and weekly Communion in the Anglican tradition. I thrived with a holistic Christian spirituality, one that integrated the body, soul, and spirit, a spirituality that made room for a theology of suffering, one that understood lament as worship. What I left behind was rife with spiritual and personal meaning for me. How could I integrate it into my current expression of faith, at this hour, in this place God had called me to serve?

The soul-nourishing relationships during that season came with spending hours, weeks, and even years together, sharing not only our faith but also our lives. The four streams of Christianity woven together in my life during that time—charismatic, contemplative, sacramental, and Evangelical—suited me well. Why had I tossed out the contemplative lifestyle when it fit me like my favorite pair of jeans? 

For me, it was a turning point, a day that would shape my life for years to come. Yes, there were external changes I needed to make to my life, but there was more—an inner shift had occurred. I knew it was real, more real than the mold I had been trying to squeeze into for so many years.

The deep sense of knowing who I am—who I have been all along—was  as comfortable as the overstuffed loveseat I spent hours on, tucked in this private cottage, poring over books and writing in my journal. My soul was crying to live as bold as the colors in the room, and as open to life as the roses on the table.

Beginnings of a Personal Rule of Life

I opened my journal and in bold letters, I wrote: My Personal Rules of Life, across the top of the page. Below it, I penned a short, to-the-point list:

  • Start the day in silence and solitude, writing in my journal, lifting my requests to God in prayer, and poring over his Word. No technology.
  • Define a healthy, sustainable rhythm of life that takes into account my unique design, my passions and purpose, and those things that give me joy.
  • Identify and eliminate the things in my life that drain me. Surround myself with people and activities that fill me, that give me life.
  • Less work at work and more time with friends. Nurture close, soul-healing relationships with friends that allow me to be my authentic self.
  • Retreat twice a year to a country setting for reflection, study, and prayer.

Satisfied—at least for now—I closed my journal. It would take me years to create a Rule of Life that fit me well, to discover the essence of who God created me to be.

However, what was most important was that I had begun my journey home—home to a healthy spirituality, a holistic faith that encompassed body, soul, and spirit. Tucked away in a little cabin, I chose life–for today and for tomorrow.

The Weekend’s End

My idyllic weekend, wrapped in God’s love and the beauty of His creation had come to an end. As I closed the door behind me, I took one more look at the rolling hills and the height and depth of Blue Ridge Mountains, drinking in its essence, it’s promise of spaciousness and freedom.

My weekend away had provided a much-needed place of peace, becoming for me a hatchery of clarity, vision, and hope for the future. A promise of new life.

As I drove down the road, I glanced in my rear-view mirror. The cottage grew smaller in the distance, and the outline of the mountains faded out of view. All too soon, the landscape around me changed—traffic, blaring horns, fast-food restaurants dotting the main thoroughfare back to suburban life.

But although my outer world had shifted, my inner sense of freedom and spaciousness remained. I mulled over the words of Ruth Haley Barton, “It is time to stand for what you believe and never look back.”

It was time. And I was ready.

And just recently, I came upon this Bible verse, which so vividly captures when I was feeling at that moment.

I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this, wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way…Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively! (2 Cor. 6:11-13, The Message).

It has been almost five years since that formative weekend, and I continue to press ahead. With the wide-open spaces of God calling me forward, I walk into the future, embracing my soul-satisfying spacious life—one day at a time.